An Introduction

Recently, a dear friend  of mine, Jam Gamble – aka Slayer of the Mic, sent me a reminder via IG saying “WHY ON EARTH ARE WE STRUGGLING TO INTRODUCE OURSELVES?”

Oh does she know me well!

I can talk, a lot. But when it comes to introducing me I pause and I feel awkward and I struggle to find what I want to say. I usually end up giving a very surface, stock answer.  Usually how I’m a mom, and a teacher…  things I’m very proud of but not exactly what I want to say.  It’s part of it but I always stop short.

But I’m changing this and this is the intro I will  proudly use going forward.  So here I go.

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“My name is Shivonne Lewis and I am a tattooed teacher, bipolar single mama of 2. I’m not sure some days how I’ll do it but I’m always figuring it out with grace and confidence.

I am a mental health advocate.  Because it’s 2019 and not “getting it” or having a frame of reference for it or believing in it are not excuses. It’s time to fucking figure it out. Check your bias and figure it out.

I’m a mental health advocate because I have Bipolar Disorder Type I not because I am Bipolar. My disorder doesn’t define who I am. It’s caused me to act outside of my moral values, do to some things that may seem harmful and shameful. It became larger than what I could handle but it isn’t me.

I’m a mental health advocate because the supports and systems in place are shockingly bad. Like so bad.

I’m a mental health advocate because I want women, young women to see that you can have a disorder and manage it with support and have a great life. You can have a career, a house, kids if you want to. It doesn’t get to take away your life goals and dreams!

Oh yeah, I’m not blonde anymore 😉

Year End Reflection

I always say I’m not one for resolutions. But that’s not totally true. I prefer reflection. Looking back at the ups and downs that actually make life beautiful. I like to choose a goal for the new year coming up. In the past it’s been weight loss, finance, organizing, trying a new activity. But this year I want a more universal concept.

Self-Reflection.  That’s my 2019 goal.

I want to continually remind myself to look back and be proud of the challenges I’ve overcome and the successes I’ve had. I also want to pause and enjoy and live in the moment. I want to be less connected to my social media (yikes yes I just said that) and more connected to my family, friends, the natural environment so that means documenting less with photos and stories and not reviewing the content others post as much. This will be a challenge as it’s become a bit of an addiction and I run a small social media business, but a challenge doesn’t mean I can’t it just means I need to set limits and be creative.  I want to continue to have less things and more moments. I want to keep learning to manage my finances so I can finally travel. I want to run not for a speed or distance goal, not to be thin but because it’s the one activity that truly makes my heart joyful.

Last year the kids and decided to collect memories throughout the year. We placed them into a jar. We were not always consistent.  Sometimes we wrote a lot, sometimes a little. We haven’t opened them up yet because shared parenting means sometimes you can’t do the things you want to on the exact day. But I’m excited to go through them and reflect on all of the things that did together. This is a tradition we will definitely continue.

Another reflection tradition is one with my amazing friend @sariendipity  We create vision boards and I love this activity because I keep it in my room and it’s a daily reminder of what is important to me.

Anyway I’m excited for the ups and downs 2019 will bring. I hesitate to say it will be the best year ever, or that it’s going to be great because I can’t actually predict what happens. But I can appreciate the good moments, and handle the tricky ones as best as I can.

I want to end this with a Year End Reflection I found on google.  A head’s up this might be triggering and upsetting if you’ve experienced trauma and/or suicide/self-harm.

YEAR END REFLECTION:

5 HIGHLIGHTS (accomplishments, best memories)

-Being interviewed for 2 podcasts. One has just been realized, Slay the Mic Podcast  and the other one is coming soon and speaking at Healed Hearts, Empowered Spirits

-Getting our dog Scout. She has been a joy and a very welcome addition to our family.

-Wasaga Beach mini-cation with my two besties and our kids. So many laughs and memories!

-Returning to work and killing it!  I’ve found my passion for the classroom again and my confidence has returned.

-My 40th Birthday. I was surrounded by so much love and that feeling is still with me.

5 DISAPPOINTMENTS (failures, missed opportunities)

-Running. It hasn’t gone well and I just couldn’t get it together in 2018. I’m hoping to change it.

-Dating. That is all.

-Finances. The turn around hasn’t been easy and this will certainly be something I continue to work on.

-Over dosing internationally on my medication with the intention to self-harm.

3 GAME CHANGERS (unexpected events that shifted your priorities)

-Being hospitalized and spending time in the acute psychiatric unit. It was humbling, hard but also a massive game changer. Here I was given a proper diagnosis, and it started the learning journey about my illness (bipolar disorder) and armed with the tools needed to manage it successfully.

-Starting this blog.

-Sharing my story unapologetically.

3 THINGS YOU FOCUSED ON (what you put the most of your time into)

*this one is easy

-My mental health. Getting the correct diagnosis (Bipolar Disorder), learning about it and how it has really shaped most of my life and appropriate treatment to manage it.

-Living life authentically. It’s meant having hard conversation. Ending relationships that didn’t have a positive impact on my life, and being honest with myself and others about what I need, even if it’s not always favourable.

-Self care, self care and more self care.

3 THINGS YOU FORGOT (What you didn’t get around too)

-Following my plan for checking the mail and answering voice mail. This is still a huge task avoidance.

-My financial diet. I’ve created a plan but I only follow it loosely.

-Focusing and fixing on my disordered eating. I’ve pretended that I’m better by hiding what I’m doing but I’m still resorting to extreme reduced calorie diets. protein shakes and fasting, and binging when I’m emotionally taxed.

I am excited for this year. When I compare it to the dark inner struggles that I was managing exactly one year ago this place feels good.

Happy 2019!

 

 

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